All in a day's work

The one magazine my eyes always scope the room for when entering the waiting lobby of a doctor's clinic is The Reader's Digest. I thoroughly enjoy reading the funny antic's, quotes, and of course, real-life mishaps. I have never subscribed to this magazine, knowingly I would never have "free-time" to read them. It's because of the convenience that I am already at the doctor's office, forced to wait, is when I read them. They brighten my mood.

I wonder if any of my daily life happenings would be "Reader Digest" worthy? Probably not, but according to my husband and a few friends, I certainly know how to cram it all in.

To give you a small recap, I am a full time wife to a very busy 'over-full time' husband, a full time mommy to a very needy, yet stubborn wants-to-be-independent three-year old, a full-time employee, and a part-time college student. Oh, and don't forget the occassional volunteering for certain causes and charities I like to help support when I can. So can my life be any more hectic? No... also forgot to mention, we are selling our house and relocating about 45-minutes away from where we live now. Phew!

Today is the start of week #7 for classes. I have survived my first 2 exams; 82% on one and the other at a 87%. Not bad, but not what I was aiming for. I am one of my worst critics. I was aiming for 95% of better... I was in such a bad mood when I saw that. I can only be upset with one person: Me.

The past two weeks I have been battling a really bad cough as well. I finally went in to the express clinic (per the pleads I kept receiving from my co-workers. Sorry guys!). I was tested for pnemonia and pertussis. No results yet, but at least I departed with a prescription for an antibiotic regardless of the test results. On a side note, the doctor and I sat in the room for a bit laughing and cringing at a giant spider dangling in the window (the other side, otherwise I would NOT have been in that room for long!) about the size of a dried apricot. It was huge! I think it helped to break the ice with the doctor and pull him away from work, and come down to a more humanly level that wasn't so professional. I like those kinds of doctors.

Speaking of doctors, my son has passed his egg allergy! YAAY! First night for dinner, we had french toast. And again later that week... and then waffles, and waffles again... I think he likes maple syrup.

With all the things to do on my plate, I am struggling to find that balance between everything. I want to spend time with my family, but I also want to be #1 in class. I am very competitive and just as failure is not an option, neither is in the middle an option for me. It just will not do. Aside from family and class, I want to accel at work. I have been so tired though. I think this is more due to being sick.

I have, though, been making sure I find enough time for sleep. Family, school and work all are at risk of my monster mood if I am tired. I set myself up to fail if I am sleepy. I am unable to recall on anything from memory if I see dancing pillows and twirly blankets in my head. Ah, the joyful comfort of my temporpedic bed! It is about five years old, but holds me tight just as well.

Thinking back on one of the (many) reasons why I wanted to go back to school and finish my double-major, I remember Elijah being just that. He is my motivation pushing me to become better in all things I know. So with that said... I find myself becoming sluggish. I am thinking about him in ways I shouldnt. I am finding myself sad again. Feeling alone and forgotten about.

Facebook should be the last place to vent about something (or should this blog be as well?), but my sister had posted a very understandle vent about her miscarriage less than a year ago. She was hurt, that at a first glance of a moment to think, our mother had counted off she has four grandchildren. She left off my sister's miscarriage...

Yes, I would be hurt too. But what I think my sister, very young sister, forgets as well, is she never talks about it. It was my persistent questions to our father that gave way to what happened. He didnt want to tell; but knew that if he didnt, she never would.

I wish she would have told me. I would have acted completlely different had I known. Even after I knew, when the topic is never brought up, I assume it's not supposed to be. I try to respect space and privacy. Same goes for another person who has had hard feelings towards me, which I am assuming stems for her own hurt of losing a baby. Maybe I did the wrong thing? Mayve I wasnt there in a way I was meant to be. How am I to know if those who need help never ask for it?

When my other younger cousin miscarried, we texted a lot back and forth; all the while keeping that distance in attempts to stay polite.

I would hope that any of my family or friends who are feeling alone; reach out to someone you can trust, and find some peace. Our problems will never go away, but we can lean on each other and make the walk a bit easier.

I am supposed to be studying right now...

But with all these thoughts and feelings circulating through my head, who can study? Not me. I am just counting down the minutes to when my husband walks through that door with (fingers corssed) a happy preschooler showing off his new letter her learned today.

Can you tell my thoughts are very unorganized today? I can always tell myself when I write as if I am talking to a physical person sitting in front of me. I think its healthy to talk to yourself, to an extent.

I surpass that extent every day. Oops :)